We found each other, We fell in love with each other, And together we can be strong through everything and anything.

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Friday, May 16, 2014

Body Image

I can not believe some of the rude and hurtful comments people make towards skinny women. If you are skinny because you worked out to get that way, it's "Maybe you should step back a bit". If you are skinny naturally it's because "You have an eating disorder". It's hardly EVER that you just get a nice comment like, "You look so great after having 2 kids!!". People are mean. People think that if you are skinny, you have no feelings. Well news flash people, those comments hurt just as much as if we were to come up to a larger person and call them fat. If we would accuse them of being "Fat" because they over eat. Society sucks and I just wish people could be happy.

So, I decided to do something that I am pretty uncomfortable with. I decided to take a picture of myself. I have flaws. I have many many things that I wish were different. And I know that the only way to change them, is to change myself. I don't work out. I consider taking care of 5 kids all under the age of 3 to be a pretty good workout for me. Is it enough? Probably not. Do I eat healthy? No. Do I envy those that do? Yes. I am picky. I hate the taste and texture of many foods. I have forced myself to gag down many salads in my life just to try and get myself to like lettuce. It doesn't work. I don't like veggies and I can't really live off of fruit for the rest of my life. But here we go....

This is what I look like in a swimsuit. My thighs don't touch, my ribs stick out. I have little arms and small ankles. But I also have a hard time keeping a swimsuit top on. I have a hard time finding one! I get mean looks when I am on the beach, I get accused of having an eating disorder. For many years in high school, I was accused of not eating. It hurt so bad because no one knew how I felt. No one knew what I did at home.
My hip bones stick out and so do my ribs. It isn't lovely. I run into more counter corners with my hips than anyone I'm sure! I have wanted to go on the Paleo diet more times than I can count, but seriously, I don't like anything. I live for my breads and cereals. I have learned that milk has upset my stomach after I quit drinking it for awhile so I try to stay away from dairy as much as possible. I know what is good for me and what is bad for me. When I see a really thin mannequin at a store, I get excited because something might fit me well. I don't look at it as distasteful nor do I look at plus size mannequins as that either. We are women of many different shapes and sizes.
I am small. I am beautiful. Your words will not ruin my day. But if I can some how try to help you think before you speak, I will. I am the most self conscious person you will ever meet. I dread going out into public in a swimsuit. So this is me saying, it's okay how you look. If you want to change, that is all on you. If you love the way you look, embrace it. You are beautiful. And so am I.....
Until tomorrow....

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

A splash of color

First off, I had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend! My husband doesn't like to just celebrate days, he usually gives a whole weekend which is always so wonderful. On Saturday, I styled my sister's hair for her very last prom. Believe it or not, it was pretty bittersweet for me. I don't mind doing hair for prom, I actually enjoy it. But this was not only her last prom, but a signal to me that she will be leaving soon. I have grown pretty close to her over the last few years and I begin to tear up thinking that she won't just be next door anymore. That we won't be getting a random guest at any given minute just so she can hang out. And our boys really adore her. So I will be holding onto her this summer before she leaves me!
Anyway, after I did her prom hair, I met Aaron in Fargo and we went to Home Goods! Oh my goodness. I fell in love and was all overwhelmed at the same time. The prices were amazing and I fell into basket heaven all over again. If you ever want to buy me a gift, buy me some sort of basket. Ugh, I love them like a dog loves peanut butter sandwiches. On Sunday, we went out to eat with my parents and then Aaron brought me back to Fargo because we bought an umbrella for our patio set and it had a big hole in it. This didn't surprise me because almost everything that we buy over $50 is broken, missing a piece or ripped. It's pretty annoying but it's just our luck. But either way, I had a great weekend!
I always like to add a little color to our rooms. I like to stick to a neutral paint scheme and add pops of colors here and there. So this weekend, I picked up letters to paint and hang in the kitchen from Hobby Lobby.

I have always wanted to put the word "Eat" in our kitchen and Aaron has always gave me that look like You can if you want to, but I'm not going to say I like it. Well, it was mother's day weekend so I pretty much got to do whatever I wanted. So I just did it, and Aaron said it didn't look bad! So that is always better than nothing at all!
I love it!! It's just enough color. And once I decide to paint my kitchen gray, it will be even better! I didn't do enough convincing to get my pantry done but I did draw up some plans for it, so it is in my foreseeable future. I love little updates to the house and can't wait for warm weather to get some fresh flowers throughout our house. Those pops of color are my favorite!! Until tomorrow....

Friday, May 9, 2014

A house full of boys

I first want to bring up my decision to leave Facebook. The only reason why I am holding on is because I am trying to save all my pictures to my computer. This was such a huge reason I didn't want to leave Facebook and when you have over 1000 pictures, it takes awhile )): But if you would like to continue to follow my little family and all of our home improvements, you can follow me on our blog! I will be sure to post to here every day and hope to see some comments from my friends! Don't forget to drop in a text/phone call/ letter every once in a while.

Anyway, a house full of boys. The only females I have in the house are my two dogs. So Aaron has taught the boys how to tackle him and jump on him when he isn't paying attention, so in turn, I get to experience all the wonderful rough housing, too. After being kicked off the couch by the only female I share the actual house with, thanks Chassis, I lay on the floor cuddled up in a warm blanket resting on a fluffy pillow enjoying a little ESPN when all of a sudden, 30 pounds comes barreling into me almost knocking all the wind out of me. I peek over to see what kind of monster just decided to barrel into me and I see Hudson standing looking down on me, Carson laying on top of me and Aaron laughing in the corner. This my friends, is my life.

I often wonder if men err little boys, ever get full. I will make a nice breakfast for the family only getting to eat mine cold and usually only half of it because one of the boys is eyeing it down like it may inch its way towards their plate. And so I give the single, I tell them I am full and within seconds, SECONDS, it's gone. Thirty minutes pass by, "What's for lunch?". Ugh, I am pretty sure you all just ate 2 breakfasts and are now worrying about lunch. I can not even imagine what these boys will be like in 10 years. This is why, and it's only occasionally, (occasionally being every day), do I hide in the bathroom with some sort of snack that I indulge myself into without a care in the world. Is it peaceful? No, because I have every child pounding on the door asking if I am done yet or a husband asking where the remote is. My only time to have peace and quite is literally, 10 minutes after lunch. There I may grab a blanket, lay down on the couch, perhaps shut my eyes for 2 seconds and hear a blood curdling scream! Well, I'm up!

I say this all with a smile on my face. I say this with my hair knotted and thrown into a ponytail for the last 2 days. I say this looking a little like death with no makeup on, just the moisturizer I applied in the morning. I say this with big holes in my jeans and I am probably wearing black pants and a blue shirt, which I hear is breaking all sorts of fashion rules. My back hurts and my feet are callused. my finger nails are clipped down to the skin. I wear glasses and only my wedding ring. I probably have poop wiped on me somewhere and peanut butter in my hair. I am tired and probably show it. I have lost more than 75% of my friends after having kids.

I am a mom. I am happy. I would do anything, and I mean ANYTHING for my family. I would give up anything I had to put another smile on their faces. And becoming a mom, I have realized the things that my mom had done for me and the reasoning to why she could never buy something nice for herself. I would much rather spend any amount of money on all my boys instead of something on myself. I teach my kids to say please and thank you for everything. I teach them to pray at night for the ones they love and in the morning for God giving them one more day. I have been through potty training and teeth brushing. For the next 20 or so years, I will deal with loud farts and grinning to find out who's it was. I will deal with dirty fingernails and arms full of fake tattoos. I will deal with trucks laying around the house and zero sense of pain. I will deal with tears and heartbreak. But at the end of the day, I deal with a whole lot of love. And everything that I have ever given up for these boys, is worth it. My heart is so full of love. And so is theirs.

So after I delete Facebook, those 25% of my friends that remain, well, it will probably drop down to 10%. And that's okay. Because I have never been more happy in my entire life. Until tomorrow...
P.S. I am going to try and talk the hubby into making our closet into a pantry this weekend! Stay tuned Monday to see if it gets done (;

Monday, May 5, 2014

My Dicision with Facebook

It's 6:00 A.M. -- Get on Facebook and let world know that I am awake and I wish I could still be sleeping...

7:00 A.M. -- Check into gym on Facebook and let world know what I have eaten for breakfast.

7:30 A.M. -- Lets get on Facebook and see what everyone did last night (meanwhile, kids are screaming but you just have a few posts left until you reached the ones you looked at right before bed)

8:00 A.M. -- Better check into work on Facebook so everyone knows I made it here fine.

8:30 A.M. -- Bathroom break! Better take a picture of my OOTD and show the world what I am wearing.

10:00 A.m. -- Slow day, I will just see if anyone else is having a slow day, too.

12:00 P.M. -- Checking into Subway for lunch

1:00 P.M. -- Status update, "Could this day be any more slow, UGH!"

1:30 P.M. -- Lets see how many people liked my picture from last night and my status.

1:31 P.M. -- Ugh, only 3 likes for that one? That's depressing.

2:00 P.M. -- Scrolling through Facebook, "Doesn't she have enough clothes? And those new shoes she just bought? Are you kidding me?"

3:00 P.M. -- Only an hour and a half left of work!

4:30 P.M. -- Finally done with work! Lets see what's going on tonight through Facebook.

5:00 P.M. -- Time to check into the gym again!

6:00 P.M. -- Better post my picture of Salmon and egg whites that I am having for supper so I can rub it into every one's face that I eat healthy! But I won't post my piece of chocolate cake I just ate, then I would really get some nasty comments!

7:00 P.M. -- Status update, "Is it really only Monday?! Ugh, Can't wait to wake up and do this all over tomorrow...Not.

8:00 P.M. -- Time to put the kids to bed! Better post a picture of them in the bathtub first!

9:00 P.M. -- Checking into my bed and scrolling through posts from the day that I may have missed. Oh, Laura is going on Vacation with her family. I wish I could do something like that. And why would Missy get 28 likes on that picture? It isn't even a good one. Well, let me go see how many people ended up liking Sharon's college announcement post...146?!??! What? Well, I'm done with Facebook today and officially going to bed ticked.

This is the life of so many. And I don't want that anymore. I realized driving to Fargo yesterday that I had barely spoke to my husband and gave Carson the Ipad to keep him busy. I barely spoke because I was just creeping on Facebook. I think we all rely on technology and social media to take over our lives way to much. Far to many times have I been trying to looks at some one's album and Carson kept saying Mommy, look! And I had my stupid nose into someone Else's lives. Far to many times have I found myself jealous looking at things that I can not have.

Facebook is no longer just a tool to catch up with family from far away. It is to push everything you have down other people's throats. It is to spend less and less time with the ones who truly mean the world to you. I think instead of posting how much we love our children, maybe we should spend that time that you are taking to post that, with them. I am tired of my friends that I once had, using Facebook to try and stay in my life. I have a phone. I have a mailbox. I have a freaking house that you can come visit! I have formed a new group of friends that I know once I leave Facebook, will still only use my phone and house as forms of communication. Because those are the friends that don't say anything to me on Facebook because they are right next to me and don't have to.

So for anyone that wants to stay up with our house updates and family updates, you can come follow our blog! This way, I don't need to get all caught up in other people's lives. I can show you how far we have come in a way that I feel is just a little journal for myself. So I will continue my Facebook adventure for the rest of the week (just so I can basically get all my pictures saved onto my computer) and delete the account. Not just get off and leave it running, but delete it. It is my way of moving on from my past and really living for my family and where I have come. So, until tomorrow......